My mom grew up third generation in a Catholic German immigrant enclave near Pittsburgh.
Like so many: my ancestors arrived in the late 1800s/early 1900s to work as laborers in the Industrial Revolution.
No German heritage— food, culture, music— even cooking, canning, sewing, and gardening— were transmitted. They wanted her to assimilate, so she would not have to be a poor laborer. She lived with her German grandmother for ten years but never learned the language.
She married, moved away, and, in the middle of my childhood, moved to the suburbs. My father left, so I had the good influence of my maternal grandparents, who visited frequently. Yet suburban life, especially as a poor kid with no car, felt deeply alienating.
As a young adult, I met a husband at a local university, then moved a few hours away for his job. I raised a family in a small college town, next to both a small city and rural areas. My children grew up embedded in a community. They had close contact with nature, cultural amenities such as libraries and music and art and a planetarium, all within walking distance. They walked around town, rode bikes, and played pick-up basketball with their friends.
But we were far from extended family. Visits helped, but…driving three hours to see your family is too far.
I had no understanding of this back then. I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought if my children had what I was lacking— a father, and a community— all would be well. That nuclear family ideal was firmly embedded in culture— and wrong. Buy it seeped into my mind.
It is encouraging to see young adults of today reflecting on all of this.
It’s hard to reweave a multi-generational family when members live three hours, seven hours, or more by car, and some live a plane ride away. I ask Mother Mary to help me by interceding.
I’m trying to pick up the loose ends and weave them together. Held a “Faketoberfest” last year for local family (since I don’t know what a real Oktoberfest is like). I’m learning to cook a German food or two. I tried mightily to pass on the Catholic faith. Most of my children are away from the faith, many actively hostile toward it. Extended family nearby might have helped. At least we have a shared home state, Pennsylvania. But…it’s very hard to try to “put the toothpaste back into the tube.”
I wonder what can be done in families like mine, and perhaps yours?
If I could live life over again, I would probably settle near my grandparents. But even there: people are transient. Neighborhoods around a city are just collections of people. Could I have offered my children a real community there? I don’t know.
I agree with your diagnosis. I just wish I could figure out a remedy! For my family, and for others.
This resonates.
My mom grew up third generation in a Catholic German immigrant enclave near Pittsburgh.
Like so many: my ancestors arrived in the late 1800s/early 1900s to work as laborers in the Industrial Revolution.
No German heritage— food, culture, music— even cooking, canning, sewing, and gardening— were transmitted. They wanted her to assimilate, so she would not have to be a poor laborer. She lived with her German grandmother for ten years but never learned the language.
She married, moved away, and, in the middle of my childhood, moved to the suburbs. My father left, so I had the good influence of my maternal grandparents, who visited frequently. Yet suburban life, especially as a poor kid with no car, felt deeply alienating.
As a young adult, I met a husband at a local university, then moved a few hours away for his job. I raised a family in a small college town, next to both a small city and rural areas. My children grew up embedded in a community. They had close contact with nature, cultural amenities such as libraries and music and art and a planetarium, all within walking distance. They walked around town, rode bikes, and played pick-up basketball with their friends.
But we were far from extended family. Visits helped, but…driving three hours to see your family is too far.
I had no understanding of this back then. I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought if my children had what I was lacking— a father, and a community— all would be well. That nuclear family ideal was firmly embedded in culture— and wrong. Buy it seeped into my mind.
It is encouraging to see young adults of today reflecting on all of this.
It’s hard to reweave a multi-generational family when members live three hours, seven hours, or more by car, and some live a plane ride away. I ask Mother Mary to help me by interceding.
I’m trying to pick up the loose ends and weave them together. Held a “Faketoberfest” last year for local family (since I don’t know what a real Oktoberfest is like). I’m learning to cook a German food or two. I tried mightily to pass on the Catholic faith. Most of my children are away from the faith, many actively hostile toward it. Extended family nearby might have helped. At least we have a shared home state, Pennsylvania. But…it’s very hard to try to “put the toothpaste back into the tube.”
I wonder what can be done in families like mine, and perhaps yours?
If I could live life over again, I would probably settle near my grandparents. But even there: people are transient. Neighborhoods around a city are just collections of people. Could I have offered my children a real community there? I don’t know.
I agree with your diagnosis. I just wish I could figure out a remedy! For my family, and for others.
Hey another article about the suburbs, I wonder what he'll say...
amazing how many times you can recycle the same paglia quote!