Small talk may be shallow in content without being shallow in function. “How are you?” or a few words about the weather exchange very little important information, but the interaction carries another message: I see you, I’m willing to respond to you, and the relationship between us still exists.
That may explain why repeatedly declining invitations can cost more than a few missed parties. Relationships have to be repeatedly confirmed through interaction, and once a relationship exists, information, help, opportunities, resources, and cooperation can move along that connection. For an introvert, showing up, making an appearance, and exchanging a few pleasantries may be less about pretending to be extroverted than about paying the cost of maintaining a relationship.
I've learned what limits I need as an introvert. I can handle small groups much better than large crowds and, really, who is going to miss me at a gathering of 100+ people? It's the small groups where I meet with friends and family to have those vital interactions. Is it draining? Yes, especially with my level of hearing loss, but it is well worth the effort.
On the flip side, I've yet to hear an extrovert claim they need to move out of their comfort zone. Maybe you don't have to be the one who speaks first and often, dominating the conversation, or who tries to force friendships between strangers through awkward ice breakers. Just zip it and let people make small talk on their own. It would be easier on introverts who do venture into public if some people didn't think they needed fixing.
Also, I love being alone, can so relate to wanting to just stay home, am exhausted and overwhelmed by crowds and I am seriously the world's most extra extravert.
Or rather, I'm gregarious and charismatic. And also introspective and thoughtful. Extravert/introvert doesn't really leave room for that.
I wonder when we traded in our personality traits for labels and diagnoses and maybe if we could just swap back...
Small talk may be shallow in content without being shallow in function. “How are you?” or a few words about the weather exchange very little important information, but the interaction carries another message: I see you, I’m willing to respond to you, and the relationship between us still exists.
That may explain why repeatedly declining invitations can cost more than a few missed parties. Relationships have to be repeatedly confirmed through interaction, and once a relationship exists, information, help, opportunities, resources, and cooperation can move along that connection. For an introvert, showing up, making an appearance, and exchanging a few pleasantries may be less about pretending to be extroverted than about paying the cost of maintaining a relationship.
I've learned what limits I need as an introvert. I can handle small groups much better than large crowds and, really, who is going to miss me at a gathering of 100+ people? It's the small groups where I meet with friends and family to have those vital interactions. Is it draining? Yes, especially with my level of hearing loss, but it is well worth the effort.
On the flip side, I've yet to hear an extrovert claim they need to move out of their comfort zone. Maybe you don't have to be the one who speaks first and often, dominating the conversation, or who tries to force friendships between strangers through awkward ice breakers. Just zip it and let people make small talk on their own. It would be easier on introverts who do venture into public if some people didn't think they needed fixing.
Some years ago, as a kind of experiment, I underwent therapy for about 10 weeks.
It was wonderful having somebody who would listen patiently to all my bizarre theories.
At the end, I said that in the mornings I was introverted, and in the afternoons extrovert.
I asked to have two sessions, one in the morning, I'm one in the afternoon when I would be tested.
I still have the reports. They confirmed what I had decided I would be x
YES. Well said.
Also, I love being alone, can so relate to wanting to just stay home, am exhausted and overwhelmed by crowds and I am seriously the world's most extra extravert.
Or rather, I'm gregarious and charismatic. And also introspective and thoughtful. Extravert/introvert doesn't really leave room for that.
I wonder when we traded in our personality traits for labels and diagnoses and maybe if we could just swap back...
This was an enjoyable read, I find it relatable. I’m wondering if an Irish goodbye done properly is acceptable.
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