The Unironic Tradwife
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“A woman’s soul is fashioned as a shelter in which other souls may unfold.”
-Edith Stein/Teresa Benedict of the Cross, “Fundamental Principles in Women’s Education”
It’s me, hi, I’m the problem. It’s me—a young Mom attempting to crack postmodernity with her norm-core, unironic life.
Depending on the concoction of your IG algorithm these days, you may have noticed a trendy increase of reels and posts of neutral-toned-Virgnia-wine-country-7-children women wearing pinafore aprons and making sourdough bread from scratch while sipping bone broth in homemade ceramic wares. Did I mention these women are mostly middle/upper-class White? Whether it’s the famous @ballerinafarm or other regular moms, tradwifery is growing in popularity on middle/upper class TikTok, so much so that Xi Jingping might agree that his grandmother certainly was happier than he ever was.
The traditionalist, conservative reactions of influencer (mostly middle/upper-class White) Mom-women on the far seas of the interwebs tell us a lot about how some women perceive second-wave and third-wave feminism as mega cringe-worthy.
Liberation is exhausting!
When stripped of any support from society to recognize a woman’s ontological uniqueness, e.g. the feminine genius, postmodern women must pursue their destinies of “progress,” self-made happiness, and transgressing nature.
Thus lies my empathy for these tradwives. When technology, the market, and media seem to conspire against your creative ability to receive and nurture the cosmic reaction of human life itself, it seems natural to be possessive and performative of your gift of receptivity. Just talk to any Mom (or woman for that matter) on the subway in NYC, she is tired of b*llsh*t, and it’s just regular b*llsh*t, not even the hegemonic kind of b*llsh*t. It’s the “why is everything so expensive, I don’t have a village to support me, should I freeze my eggs, my kids are getting sick all the time”-b*llsh*t. Mom-women want to be cherished, and nothing says “you’re worthy” more than experiencing contractions and having to email your employer while hooked up to an epidural to confirm that you can actually go on disability (maternity) leave.
Most of the captions and stories of these influencers (real Mom-women, mind you, who I do believe have the best unironic intentions), remark how they were “disillusioned” by “urban life” or depressed from the lies of “progress” (getting non-MRS degrees by taking out $$$ loans, working to the bone to break the glass ceiling, side effects of oral contraception, etc.). They long for a pure experience and life that celebrates and actually realizes the irreplaceable gift of their receptivity to human life.
There are many critiques I personally have about popularizing tradwifery, the biggest and obvious critique is that being nostalgic about and romanticizing the roles of women at home in the past ignores that reality that history, legislatively, economically, and culturally, favored middle/upper-class WASP women. During the “tradtime” of our grandmothers, most people were sandwiched in between the turmoil of constant global wars, did not have modern healthcare, immigrated to the U.S. to escape poverty and still be relatively impoverished, and/or suffered from racial and economic discrimination.
In juicier neoliberal critiques, I found out that two of the influencers I follow most likely (unintentionally) project these seemingly rose-colored domestic lifestyles of Anne of Green Gables and Little House on the Prairie because 1. they are not *actual* farmers/homesteaders (please talk to real farmers and homesteaders about how hard it is) and 2. their husbands are technocratic breadwinners (one influencer’s husband leads a team of engineers at Apple and the other is the son of a former JetBlue CEO).
**A hot take, they are doing just what husbands should be doing, providing for their family in a stable way.**
***I mean they might be doing it a little too well…***
However, let’s just all be upfront about the fact that neoliberal capitalism is a key contributor to the success of one’s supposedly idyllic, traditional, domestic lifestyle. I am shamelessly privileged that I regularly benefit from neoliberal capitalistic comforts to give the appearance that ~ I can have it all as a woman ~ (coming from a financially stable family of origin, a husband whose career is dependent on the mixed system, largely private system, of healthcare, having a DINK household for a year of my marriage).
Homesteading, homemaking, homeschooling, or however else home-something are beautiful things that can be counter-cultural and thus, revolutionary ways to resist hegemonic b*llsh*t in this post-modern age: divest from the state, from the market, from the arc of feminist history. Unfortunately, none of these home-somethings are genuine proposals of one’s feminine genius unless there is an unironic purity of heart, an application of one’s gifts for the sake of another person. Tradwifery, like all other Mom-women cosplays, can only be transcendent and thus transmute the gift of one’s feminine genius if one is unironically authentic and trying to pursue a personal vocation.
Mom-women already are indoctrinated into the mommy wars without permission, let alone try to be influenced that a cosplay of a particular lifestyle is the new moral act to avoid all suffering and sin, proving one’s worthiness as a mom-woman. I don’t believe in hating on other women, mom-influencers included, but where are the ~ unironic ~ women at?
Unironic women generally do not have time to moralize their vocations as mothers or women in the public sphere in aesthetically pleasing ways because they are too busy trying to examine reality on a daily basis with a purity of heart, which traditionally seeks to serve the persons in front of them first and then “change the culture” at large (not even fight the culture).
If being a unironic tradwife means that I am too busy delighting in the Kirkland food court because my toddler is thrilled with chicken bake (it slaps), having gratitude for my incredible colleagues at work who impact me on a daily basis, and enjoying the “Throwing Fits” podcast way too much—that’s not too shabby a way to be damned as a boring, “she’s a nobody sinner” in the mom-wife culture wars.
Emilia Tanu is a wife and mother of 2 who lives and works in New York City. Her work includes the formation of Catholic educators who serve in under-resourced communities. Emilia’s personal charism involves being way too excited about the vocation of the laity in today’s cities.
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Also check out ’s piece on purity culture.
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The Throwing Fits mention is so real.
The Costco chicken bake does not “slap”.